Bali had always been on our ‘to go’ list – but we hadn’t planned to go there until after New Zealand. But with our time in my Uncle’s house in Australia coming to an end, and my NZ Working Holiday Visa still in bureaucratic limbo, we needed somewhere to go.
“Why don’t you go to Bali?” was my Uncle Tom’s suggestion. It was cheap to fly to from Australia, and even cheaper to live there whilst we waited for my Visa to get approved – or rejected.
And thus began our 28 day tour of Bali. With so much time there, we left virtually no stone unturned, travelling from Denpasar to Padang Bai, to the Gili Islands, to Ubud, to Bedegul, to Lovina, to Permuteran, and finally to Kuta and Uluwatu.
Many more things than I could possibly blog about happened in those 28 days – so here are the highlights, the lowlights, and the downright strange-lights.
The Best
1. Snorkelling with Turtles on Gili Meno
The Gili islands of Trawangan, Meno and Air are about as close to the perfect concept of an island paradise as you can get – white sands, clear water and coconut trees abound. Trawangan is for partying youngsters, Meno is for honeymooning couples and Air is a nice mix between the two extremes. And on Gili Meno is a wonderful little building, rebuilt after the devastating hurricane of 2018, which houses and feeds hundreds of tiny black creatures in shallow pools: a turtle sanctuary – funded purely by donations – which collects turtle eggs from the beach and releases them back into the big blue aged 8 months. The results are remarkable. On a morning of blistering sun and blue sky we dived from a boat into ‘turtle point’ – and swam with no less than six different turtles, their shells as big as shields, close enough to see their disgruntled faces as we awoke them from their slumber. Despite rising sea temperatures laying waste to the coral around the islands, we also managed to see more types of tropical fish than anywhere else we’ve snorkelled (including a very shocked-looking eel).
2. Jumping into a waterfall pool at Aling-Aling falls, Lovina
Although I found the magnetically mystic Sekumpul waterfall to be more impressive, the waterfalls at Aling-Aling near Lovina were the place we had the most fun. The mandatory tour-guide was well worth it – pointing out where we could swim, taking photos and most importantly, telling us where the safe places to jump were. Alice and I aren’t exactly the most thrill-seeking couple to visit Bali – and as we looked over the 5m jump into the first waterfall pool (the ‘baby jump’ according to our guide), the looks on both of our faces said it all: it looks really high! But with some deep breaths and a bit of encouragement from the book of Nike proverbs (“Just do it!”), we both jumped in. After taking the plunge, the 5+ seconds you spend underwater feels as long as a leap year. But the adrenaline rush after you surface will make you want to jump again and again – which I did. I didn’t try the 10m or 15m jumps that day – but looking back, I’ll be keen to give them a go when I see one next.
3. Feeding wild deer on Menjangan Island
Menjangan island is a protected wildlife reserve just off the north-western tip of Bali – a place where most Kuta-loving Ozzie holidaymakers rarely go. As advertised, the snorkelling there really is ‘the best in Bali’ – even better than the Gili islands. Much of the coral is alive and well, and schools of colourful fish congregate in the steep underwater cliff-drops. As well as dozens of huge blue starfish, Alice’s keen eyes also spotted the rare and venomous stonefish camouflaged in the reef. (As I write this blog, I’ve just found out that the stonefish is literally the most venomous fish in the world and its spines can be fatal to humans – so apparently, this was also a near-death experience). But there was one animal that stole the show – the island’s native species of deer, bathing on the shore as our boat dropped anchor. Rather than bolt at the sight of humans, these huge deer seemed content to amble around us as we took photo after photo. And when we approached them slowly, head-on, with a bottle of water in hand – they gladly accepted our offering of fresh mineral water. I wouldn’t want to challenge them to a drinking contest – they downed a 500ml bottle in under 5 seconds.
4. Chilling at the Buddhist temple and hot springs in Banjar
Alice and I have seen a lot of temples – including visiting ten in one day, in Chiang Mai. Brahmavihara-Arama temple in Banjar – a Buddhist temple on a hilltop overlooking the sea, once visited by the Dalai Lama – has got to be among the best. The panoramic views are complemented by the sounds of a wonderfully melodic wind-chime, which improvises to the sway of a mountain breeze that blows cool water from sprinklers across its lush gardens. With Bali’s high-season having ended a couple of months ago, the gardens and the temple itself were uncrowded and tranquil. To round off a day of slow-walking and quiet thought, we also went for a dip in the nearby Air Panas Banjar hot spring. Here, we got to wash ourselves with warm mountain spring water gushing straight from a series of stone-carved dragons, and swim in a relaxed little pool with precious few other tourists. Sounds idyllic, doesn’t it? I’m not going to lie – it 100% was.
5. Surfing and swimming on Balangan Beach, Uluwatu
On our last full day in Bali, we wondered whether we should pay top dollar for a spot at an exclusive beach club, attracted by promises of infinity pools, beachside sunbeds and premium cocktails. But why pay over the odds when you can rent a pair of sun-loungers on the beach from a local warung, buy a fresh young coconut for £1, rent a surfboard for £2.50 and swim for free? We chose the latter, and didn’t regret it. By the end of the day I had just about managed to stand up on a surfboard, we were tipsy on 2-4-1 cocktails and Alice had gone for a sunset swim in the bar’s pool. Money well spent; money well saved – and a fitting goodbye to Bali.
The Worst
1. Three days of diarrhoea on Gili Meno
I won’t go into all the dripping details here – but I will forewarn you of the dangers of staying on a remote island getaway like the Gili islands. We’ve had the tummy-tantrums three times so far – and two of these have been on islands. I’ve deduced that there’s probably one good reason for this: the powercuts. Separated from the mainland, small islands often have their own independent power supply, which are prone to cutting-out – in our experience, at least once a day. And in the end, it’s not the long hours of candlelit evenings that will annoy you. When the lights go out, so do the refrigerators – and so do your chances of eating fresh food. It was only after I chomped down my third ice-cream of the week that I figured out that my coconut and white chocolate Magnum had probably thawed and been refrozen three times before I ate it. You might be lucky, but we weren’t. The multitude of empty bottles of mineral water and isotonic orange squash filling up the corner of our bedroom were testimony to that.
2. Legend of the Monkey Thief – Part I (Ubud)
In Ubud’s famous sacred monkey forest, there are over 900 monkeys split into 7 different groups, eating, sleeping and having turf wars in a largely natural environment. We saw monkeys in trees, in temples, on statues, signposts and banisters – eating, sleeping, climbing, grooming, baring their teeth at each other, carrying their young and even having sex. They are the world’s cutest and most fascinating creatures.
Until you put down your suncream for all of five seconds and it gets swiped, that is. We wouldn’t be that bitter, if it wasn’t for the fact that suncream in Bali is a product used solely by tourists – and is therefore horrendously overpriced. After one of the fang-toothed little critters grasped our little bottle of Nivea Kids SPF50, which cost more than £10, we were powerless to get it back. Without any peanuts to distract it with, and with Alice holding me back, I eventually let the little rogue go. Probably for the best, given the size of its fangs and the fact that macaques often carry the Herpes B virus.
3. Spider slaying in Bedegul
The northern town of Bedegul has amazing things in and around it – a temple that appears to float on the lake, a 157-hectare botanical garden, and Sekumpul waterfall only one hour’s drive away. But Bedegul itself we found to be a bit of a dive – the mounds of rubbish and the over-eager market hawkers weren’t the best welcome we’ve ever had. After settling for a musty room in a homestay that just about met our minimum requirements, we found a visitor in the room we should’ve seen coming. I’m not particularly scared of spiders, but I was scared of this one – it was around half the size of my handspan, with a body big enough you could see its face. Alice is scared of spiders, so I’ll leave you to imagine what her reaction was. Not being one to kill wildlife frivolously though, I gave the spider a few hours to vacate our room before a certain girlfriend of mine, who shall remain nameless, insisted that it be removed. After flicking it off the wall with a makeshift sword (a mosquito net pole) and flicking it out the door with a makeshift shield (a plastic folder), I thought I had thoroughly exiled it. But when it crawled back through the crack between the doorframe, there was only one course of action left. I’ve only used my hiking boots a handful of times on this holiday, and each time I’ve had to wash them using a bidet afterwards. This was no exception.
4. Choppy waters on the way to Gili Trawangan
Just two days after landing in Bali, we went straight to the Gili islands, taking a boat from Padang Bai. Faces smug with excitement, we sat aboard the open-top deck of a yacht-sized boat, eager to soak up the sights and the sun. The first thirty minutes were great, until our not-so-smug faces were pelted with so much sea-spray that we tucked our tails between our legs and relocated downstairs. Unfortunately, that was when the real fun started. Alice has been on many a cruise, and it takes a lot to make her seasick – but even her vision was starting to sway with the relentless lurching of the boat. As a young girl threw up her lunch beside us, my face went white, then green, as rice and egg tumbled around inside me. I just about managed to hold onto my nasi goreng, but not without ingesting a firm dread of ever getting on another boat. The silver lining is that I’ve heard it can be much, much worse – a friend did the same journey and reported that around half the passengers vomited, and that the floors were awash with bile and seawater. Yuck.
5. Things that go woof in the night
The question “did you sleep well?” is often perfunctory and thankfully, usually has a brief answer. But if you ever go to Bali, please be prepared for that not to be the case. Many natives keep farm animals in and around their home – and this includes roosters. Almost every homestay, hostel or hotel you inhabit will have at least one cockerel nearby, keen to tell you that its now 4am, 5am, 6am and indeed any other AM on the clockface. If that wasn’t enough, Bali is home to an abundance of wild dogs which will not only keep you up at night with relentless howling, but will also bark very aggressively at you as you walk through their territory, which can be more than a bit nerve-wracking even to a seasoned dog-lover. On top of all that, Indonesia is of course a Muslim country, and if you stay anywhere near a mosque, remember that you are very likely to be woken up by the Fajr call-to-prayer at true dawn (around 4-5am where we were). Be prepared to listen to some very detailed answers to the aforementioned question.
The Weirdest
1. A strange new tradition: Pre-wedding photos
Hang around in picturesque places in Asia long enough, and you’re bound to spot an intriguing scene – a young couple, dressed in clothes similar to what a bridge and groom might wear on their wedding day, having some photos taken by a photographer. What you’ve stumbled onto isn’t the photoshoot for a nearby wedding-in-progress – it’s actually a pre-wedding photoshoot. This is where engaged couples (usually Asian) travel around to exotic locations (often all over the world) and take sumptuous photos and videos of themselves in their wedding attire, part of their wedding attire or just some fancy wedding-esque clothes. Often, the photos and videos are compiled into a presentation that will be shown at their wedding, designed to wow the crowd. We’ve seen a fair amount of pre-wedding photoshoots, which usually involve the engaged couple hogging a location’s best photo-spot for an inordinate length of time. In the botanical gardens in Bedegul, we found one set of pre-wedding photos which really took the biscuit. Located under a giant fig tree believed to be hundreds of years old – one of the garden’s main attractions – the happy couple had drafted more than just the one photographer. A full retinue of 7 was in attendance – including 3 photographers, 2 videographers, a make-up artist and I kid you not – a director. We sat down on a log and waited out the series of elaborate poses that followed. Even the log got bored.
2. Legend of the Monkey Thief Part II (Uluwatu temple)
After getting our suncream stolen in Ubud, you’d think I would’ve learned my lesson about thieving macaques by now, wouldn’t you? Or maybe not – this is me after all. Anyway, on our trip to Uluwatu temple, we came across dozens more of our kleptomaniac friends (apparently being a temple guardian is a popular vocation if you’re a monkey). This time we were careful not to put any of our belongings down beside us – we kept everything inside my bag. It was only as I leaned over for another monkey selfie that I realised my mistake, too late – the sunglasses on top of my head. As well as giving me one of the most memorable action shots of my amateur photography career, this little blunder also made me a minor celebrity for the next five minutes, as tourists gathered round to watch a pregnant female macaque nibble on my tortoise-shell shades and bare her teeth at anyone who tried to get them back. A tourist offered me some chewing gum (to tempt the monkey away) and another told me to threaten it with a stick. Thankfully I didn’t have to resort to either option, as an elderly staff member came to my rescue by throwing a bag of tasty rambutans at my assailant. Moments later I had my somewhat chewed-up sunglasses back in my possession. What a hero – he deserved far more than the 5,000 Rupiyah tip I managed to scrounge from my wallet.
3. Perplexing proposals on Kuta beach
The advice my aunt gave me about Bali was this: “You’ll land in Kuta – so get out of there as quickly as possible!” Around ten years ago I might have enjoyed Kuta’s Ibiza-style nightlife, but these days I was glad to take heed of my aunt’s warning. One afternoon on Kuta beach was enough. During the space of time it takes to drink one beer, we had been offered sarongs, bracelets, ice-cream (three times), manicures, hair-braiding, Henna tattoos, the chance to wear a snake and either (I’m not sure which) the opportunity to buy a bow-and-arrow or shoot one. And the same again for a blowgun, accompanied by a demonstration of a blowdart being shot into the sand. If only I had said ‘yes’ to all the above, I’d now be a tattooed, braided, bow-wielding snake-charmer with immaculate nails. So in retrospect, the joke’s on me for not seizing the day.
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